What is it about relationships that can leave us feeling so vulnerable?
The word “relationship” doesn’t even begin to cover the intense feelings that arise when the connections to those we love are threatened --- heartache, tears, upset stomach, panic and even anger. Whether you call it couples counseling, marriage counseling, or relationship counseling the truth is by seeing a qualified marriage, couples, and relationship counselor-therapist you likely can resolve your issues and regain happiness. Read on....
The attachments we feel to lover, children, parents and friends (think of them as your tribe) are neurologically based. Genetically, these patterns of attachments are there to not only continue our species but also to protect us and our tribe. Our brains develop in community. The neuroscientists refer to it as Interpersonal Neurobiology and it means that our individual brain develops in relationship to our caregivers/tribe. So when our attachments are threatened it can feel like our life (or children’s life) is in danger. Historically, this gave power to the life threatening practice of shunning, banishment and expulsion.
Now here we are in a modern world with overwhelming emotions linked to ancient fears of survival. We each have our individual histories that tie into these fears of rejection, giving us a unique pattern of responses. The attachment/relationship is crucial to our sense of trust, security and wellbeing. Somehow we have to balance our feelings of vulnerability with our need for attachment. Exploring the dynamics of this balance is the work of therapy. In the process we work to fine tune the communications in the relationship, as communication is everything!
As a licensed marriage, couples, and relationship counselor-therapist my role is to assist you in understanding your own personal dynamics and to help you to improve the clarity of your communications and build trust so you can experience your vulnerability without fear. Better communications usually reveals beliefs or behaviors which need to be assessed and adjusted to create a more harmonious marriage and relationships.
As I am in my third decade of counseling and therapy I can usually help you reach your goal by unlocking your inner resources to help remedy your marriage, couples, or reltationship issues in a lasting and healing way. That would be very satisfying for both you and me.
Please contact me to schedule a free one-half hour initial appointment to allow each of us to determine if we can work together and have the potential for good rapport. To inquire further contact my office at 707-237-8900 and/or send an e-mail.
Kate Maxwell, PhD, MFT